Communication Styles Examples:
Passive | Assertive | Passive-Aggressive | Aggressive |
“I hope someone comes to my aid on this project.” | “I would really appreciate your help on the project.” | “I’ll get right on it.” (But they won’t.) | “You must do this right now.” |
“I know you are probably busy and don’t have time to talk, so you can call me back if you want.” | “I’m not available to help you today, but I can help you tomorrow.” | “I would have told you about the meeting if you would have called.” | “How could you be so stupid and have forgotten?”
|
“I wish I could share my opinion, but I am going to just agree with everything they say.” | “I felt sad when you cancelled our plans. Let’s set another date right now.” | “Oops, I must have forgotten to give you that important message from your boss.” | “I need you to stop what you are doing and do what I am asking you right now.” |
Assertive Communication Steps
- State the facts: What happened (or didn’t happen)? What was said (or not said)? Stick to observable events ( i.e., they did…He said…)
- Express how you feel: describe your emotions about the situation.
- State what you would like: Use language such as like, prefer, and wish. Avoid demanding language, as it is often triggering and leads to defensive responses.
- Acknowledge the other person: Use active listening, reflect what you hear back to them—hear them out.
Consider a compromise: Be willing to give and take (within the context of both of your boundaries).
* Be mindful. Aim to refrain from yelling, demands, whys, expecting the other person to read your mind, shoulds and similar